The Soup Joke


Every year some martial artists from various styles get together at a restaurant to have dinner and talk about how their training is going. This year, the first course is a bowl of hot, spicy soup. How do the different martial artists eat it?

Mendez’s half-eaten spicy ramen.

Mendez’s half-eaten spicy ramen.

  • The karateka immediately grabs the bowl and spoons all the soup quickly into his mouth before realizing how hot and spicy it is. He sits there steaming and reddening while the other martial artists ask if he’s okay, and responds that yes, of course he’s fine.

  • The Western boxer scoots her chair way back from the table and stretches her arm out all the way to reach the soup.

  • The tae kwon do practitioner keeps trying to get the spoon in his soup, but he aims high and misses every time.

  • The Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner crawls under the table and eats the soup there.

  • The capoeira player shouts, “Hey, look over there!” and eats the tae kwon do practitioner’s soup while he’s distracted.

  • The Thai boxer pours the scalding hot soup on his shins.

  • The aikidōka opens her mouth and waits for the soup to leap in of its own accord.

  • The mixed martial artist announces that his method of eating soup is completely innovative and invalidates all previously established methods of eating soup, but then he just crawls under the table and pours the soup on his shins.

  • The hapgido practitioner opens his mouth, waits for the soup to leap in of its own accord, and punches the aikidōka.

  • The Senegalese wrestler has brought a full orchestra and dance team to perform a number about how much he likes soup.

  • The jeet kune do practitioner is unhappy because his soup tastes like water.

  • The Yagyū Shinkage-ryū swordsman has no spoon, but somehow eats the soup with a paper fan.

  • The Western long swordsman grabs his spoon by the cupped end and paddles the soup into his mouth with the back end.

  • The Niten Ichi-ryū swordsman left his spoon at home, so he whittled a new spoon out of wood in the taxi. It doesn’t really matter because he’s an hour late and missed the first course.

  • The mau rakau practitioner does a scary dance. The soup, terrified, eats itself.

  • Last year the ninja finished her soup first, and everyone was impressed. This year she brought all the other ninja from her dōjō, so they take forever and each only get a spoonful.

  • The krav maga practitioner draws her sidearm and shoots the soup.

  • The systema practitioner … well, in systema, soup eats you.